The Trouble with Loose Reins
Ever have one of those moments where words come out before you’ve had a chance to think, and you instantly wish you could grab them back? Yeah, me too. James 1:26 doesn’t let us off easy on that one:
“Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless.”
That’s tough to hear. But it’s also honest. James is pointing out that what comes out of our mouths says a lot about what’s really going on inside.
He compares the tongue to something small but strong, like a high-energy horse that needs a steady hand on the reins. I love that image because anyone who’s ever been around horses knows exactly what that feels like.
A good horse has plenty of “go.” You don’t have to beg it to move forward. The challenge is keeping it from running wild. That’s our tongues. They have plenty of energy, ready to react, to defend, to blurt out something before we’ve thought it through. Keeping control takes effort and awareness.
The Trouble with Loose Reins
James says if we don’t keep a tight rein on our tongues, we’re only fooling ourselves. We can show up to church, sing the songs, and even do good things, but if we’re careless with our words, something’s off.
This isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being intentional, paying attention, and asking, “What’s my tone saying? What’s my motive here?” Sometimes that simple pause makes all the difference.
We’ve all had those runaway moments when emotions are high, we’re tired or frustrated, and something just slips out. Maybe it’s sarcasm. Maybe gossip. Maybe an unkind word we didn’t even mean. But once it’s out, it’s out.
I felt the prick of guilt listening to Pastor Isaac’s sermon because I had just lived this out in real time. It happened at a family wedding after too little sleep, too much travel, and a long day that started with rehearsal, moved right into decorating, and ended with the ceremony and reception. Somewhere in the middle of all that, I felt slighted by something my sister-in-law said. It was small, but it stung.
The next day, when we stopped by to say goodbye, I let it spill out. No filter, no pause, just frustration that had been sitting too close to the surface. I told her she was wrong and that what she said had hurt my feelings. She looked shocked and immediately defended herself. The moment felt tense and awkward, and afterward, I knew it hadn’t helped anything. I hadn’t said it to heal; I’d said it to be heard.
Looking back, I wish I’d kept quiet. There wasn’t anything she could have done to change it anyway, and all my words did was add another layer of hurt. That moment reminded me how easily my tongue can take off if I’m not paying attention, especially when I’m tired or feeling overlooked.
So what does it look like to keep the reins tight?
Four Questions to Guide Your Words
Helpful or Hurtful?
Before speaking, I try to ask, “Is this going to help or hurt?” Even hard truths can be said gently. And sometimes, the most helpful thing is just staying quiet.
Understanding or Judging?
Instead of jumping to conclusions, what if we said, “Can you help me understand?” That one question can shift an entire conversation. Most people don’t need us to agree with them; they just want to be heard.
Blessing or Cursing?
Our words can lift someone up or tear them down. A simple “I’m proud of you,” “You’ve got this,” or “I’m praying for you” can make someone’s day. Those little blessings matter more than we realize.
Praising or Complaining?
Complaints multiply fast. So does gratitude. What if we made it a goal to praise three times as often as we complain? Not pretending everything is perfect, just keeping perspective.
The Daily Check-In
At the end of the day, I’ve been trying to ask myself:
That moment after the wedding reminded me that tightening the reins doesn’t mean never speaking up. It means learning when to wait, when to breathe, and when to let God work on my heart before my words do the talking. Sometimes silence says more than a perfectly worded response ever could.
Our tongues have power to heal or to wound, to bless or to curse. Every conversation is a chance to choose which one we’ll offer.
Reflection
Take a few quiet minutes to sit with God and think through these questions:
“Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips.” Psalm 141:3
“Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless.”
That’s tough to hear. But it’s also honest. James is pointing out that what comes out of our mouths says a lot about what’s really going on inside.
He compares the tongue to something small but strong, like a high-energy horse that needs a steady hand on the reins. I love that image because anyone who’s ever been around horses knows exactly what that feels like.
A good horse has plenty of “go.” You don’t have to beg it to move forward. The challenge is keeping it from running wild. That’s our tongues. They have plenty of energy, ready to react, to defend, to blurt out something before we’ve thought it through. Keeping control takes effort and awareness.
The Trouble with Loose Reins
James says if we don’t keep a tight rein on our tongues, we’re only fooling ourselves. We can show up to church, sing the songs, and even do good things, but if we’re careless with our words, something’s off.
This isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being intentional, paying attention, and asking, “What’s my tone saying? What’s my motive here?” Sometimes that simple pause makes all the difference.
We’ve all had those runaway moments when emotions are high, we’re tired or frustrated, and something just slips out. Maybe it’s sarcasm. Maybe gossip. Maybe an unkind word we didn’t even mean. But once it’s out, it’s out.
I felt the prick of guilt listening to Pastor Isaac’s sermon because I had just lived this out in real time. It happened at a family wedding after too little sleep, too much travel, and a long day that started with rehearsal, moved right into decorating, and ended with the ceremony and reception. Somewhere in the middle of all that, I felt slighted by something my sister-in-law said. It was small, but it stung.
The next day, when we stopped by to say goodbye, I let it spill out. No filter, no pause, just frustration that had been sitting too close to the surface. I told her she was wrong and that what she said had hurt my feelings. She looked shocked and immediately defended herself. The moment felt tense and awkward, and afterward, I knew it hadn’t helped anything. I hadn’t said it to heal; I’d said it to be heard.
Looking back, I wish I’d kept quiet. There wasn’t anything she could have done to change it anyway, and all my words did was add another layer of hurt. That moment reminded me how easily my tongue can take off if I’m not paying attention, especially when I’m tired or feeling overlooked.
So what does it look like to keep the reins tight?
Four Questions to Guide Your Words
Helpful or Hurtful?
Before speaking, I try to ask, “Is this going to help or hurt?” Even hard truths can be said gently. And sometimes, the most helpful thing is just staying quiet.
Understanding or Judging?
Instead of jumping to conclusions, what if we said, “Can you help me understand?” That one question can shift an entire conversation. Most people don’t need us to agree with them; they just want to be heard.
Blessing or Cursing?
Our words can lift someone up or tear them down. A simple “I’m proud of you,” “You’ve got this,” or “I’m praying for you” can make someone’s day. Those little blessings matter more than we realize.
Praising or Complaining?
Complaints multiply fast. So does gratitude. What if we made it a goal to praise three times as often as we complain? Not pretending everything is perfect, just keeping perspective.
The Daily Check-In
At the end of the day, I’ve been trying to ask myself:
- Were my words helpful or hurtful?
- Did I try to understand or just judge?
- Did I speak blessing or criticism?
- Did I complain more than I praised?
That moment after the wedding reminded me that tightening the reins doesn’t mean never speaking up. It means learning when to wait, when to breathe, and when to let God work on my heart before my words do the talking. Sometimes silence says more than a perfectly worded response ever could.
Our tongues have power to heal or to wound, to bless or to curse. Every conversation is a chance to choose which one we’ll offer.
Reflection
Take a few quiet minutes to sit with God and think through these questions:
- Is there a moment recently when your words ran ahead of your heart?
- What might God be inviting you to learn from it?
- Is there someone you need to encourage, or maybe even apologize to?
- How can you use your words this week to bring blessing instead of hurt?
“Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips.” Psalm 141:3
Posted in Daily Bible Study, Faith, Gratitude, Holiness, Humility, Peace, Perspective, Trials, Relationships
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